One sunny day...

Just finished watching the OC's season finale...
The O.C., some people see it as merely soap opera with pretty people in it, but to me, it is a very nice TV series which has been able to make its point of how powerful love can be... Watching the series has been an interesting journey... Some of the words the characters have said, the feelings the characters have felt, the situations they're in... felt so real to me...
They have taught me to look at things differently... and most importantly, that things do not have to work out the first time around... Interestingly, the last couple episodes have also pointed out how love can bring people together; the blood family or the family we've formed while living out life... I really like how they wrapped up the show...
Life is a journey... To live it to the fullest, we'll need to be able to balance between learning from the past, put it behind us; living in the present; and planning for the future...

I'm one of those lucky people - who have always been surrounded by great people who love me for who I am - most of the time.. I have/am/will always be grateful for that :)
Over the time though, there is this one hiccup that keep coming back to bug me. It comes from different people, but it's essentially the same thing... I didn't think much of it at first; but since it keeps coming back; I will have to at least try to figure out how to deal with it best...
...
I feel that I have the tendency to get people to get a tiny bit dependant towards me.. Mmmm dependant is not the right word... Attached - is the better word.. Between me and the people that I love.. the attachment itself is not a problem...
Mmm.. how shall I put this?
I don't know if their expectations have gone up, or have I started giving them less of me.. Somehow, somewhere along the line, they give me the feeling that I have failed them.. I have failed giving them what I'm supposed to give them... I really do not like this feeling.. I mean, who would enjoy failing someone close to them? Then, I'll try to give more, so we are okay... until it happens again... We're somehow in the same circled story line... Until this person gave up on me and find someone else who they can rely on... then it's okay... or is it?
I do feel that most of the time - I tend to fail people's expectation... why is that? Are people just tend to expect a lot from me or am I just not giving out enough?

Anyway...
I met up with friends from Honours year yesterday... We had lunch at Soul Mama in St Kilda... Yummy food in a great place! As usual it is a lot of fun.. :) Catching up with them always bring me back to the time where my days are all about how to push everything else away from my head so that I can concentrate on my research. It was another chapter of my life... An interesting one indeed. Finishing the thesis definitely felt like an accomplishment. Though till now I'm not very sure how did I ever finish it... One of us is starting a family soon, one of us is travelling quite a lot for work, one of us is doing PhD, the one is lost in her own world of tangent things...
I guess the big question is.... what do I want to do in my life? What is important enough for me to throw everything else away?
I know.. I know.. most people don't have to throw everything else away to serve their life purpose..
But, which is better? Being passionate enough bout what you want in life to be able to throw everything else away or not having anything that is worth throwing everything else away for because the combination of everything else has made your life worth living for?
Am I making sense at all? I hope I am... Cause I'm trying hard to make sense..

Who knows what's best for me?

Cause I don't...

I thought by now I would already know what I am planning to do with my life...
I thought by now I would already know where I want to be...

But - nope!

Can someone tell me what my future is going to be like?
Where I'll be a year from now?
Two years from now?
Ten years from now?

Should I listen to my parents'/siblings'/relatives' advice?
Should I listen to my friends' advice?
Or perhaps advice from that special someone?
Tell me - Who knows the answer to all my questions?
Maybe I need to go see a therapist... :P

Which one of those advices will make me regret my decisions most sometimes later in the future?
How does one ever know if they're doing the right thing?

Do I know what I'm doing?

I've forgiven myself once - or at least I think I have - maybe I haven't...
Anyway, it took A LOT OF EFFORTS and TIME...
Can I really forgive myself again?
Do I even deserve to be forgiven?

Thursday, March 8, 2007 -- The Daily Motivator

The power of forgiveness
Inflicting pain on someone else cannot do anything to ease your own pain. When you have been hurt, there is nothing to be gained by passing the hurt on to another.

When others have caused you pain, give forgiveness. Sincere forgiveness is the fastest way to begin moving positively forward again.

Forgiveness does not mean that you agree with or condone whatever has been done. It means that you no longer choose to let those past actions hold you back.

Your willingness to forgive does not mean that you are willing to be hurt again. In fact, forgiveness frees you to take positive steps that will make you stronger and much less vulnerable.

When you feel the desire for revenge, stop and remind yourself that there is a much more powerful response. Forgiveness is the way to put yourself in the best possible position.

Can you find the strength to forgive? Forgive, and you will surely grow stronger.

-- Ralph Marston

I figure out something recently...
There are some things in life that we, as human beings, should never sacrifice.
Or maybe I should say - there are some things that I think should be classified into the non-sacrifice-able things; if only to justify my actions...
But are they really non-sacrifice-able to everyone?

What's the most important thing in the world?
Is it your other half? Your family? Your friends? Yourself? Your work? Getting all the fun in the world? Your financial state?

I feel so lost ...
... lost in the world of unanswered questions.

Melbourne, my home...

One of my best friend is visiting Melbourne in April. I am SUPER excited - but a bit nervous too. Really don't want to disappoint her. She's only going to be here for 5 days. That means I really have to make sure I show her the best of Melbourne during that short period.

I arrived in Melbourne ~7 years ago and I still remember my first trip from Tullamarine Airport. I fell in love with the city, especially with the amazing scenery along Yarra River. Although I find everything here very interesting and pretty, after all these years, the convinience it offers becomes Melbourne's main attraction to me. So, even though I think Melbourne is still very much filled with pretty people, places and things; I don't know if Pipi will see it that way. The thing is I really really really want her to see the magic of the city...

I love Melbourne so much. But when it comes to showing people around Melbourne, I get confused. Which part of Melbourne should I show her? Which part I can't miss???

Let's do a short trip down the memory lane...

When I first arrived in Melbourne, I lived in Bundoora; studied in La Trobe Foundation Year.
Favorite Food? McDonald's and the Uni food stall's Chicken Schnitzel *LOL*.
Favorite Activity? Walking to the 24 hour Coles near my house.
Favorite People? Cath & My Landlord (Auntie Colleen's family).
Distance to the city? 1 hour by tram.
Nearest Shopping Mall? Northland.
Free Time Activity? Chatting (Phone/Net).
It was a lovely place to live in. Nice and quiet in a friendly way. Friendly people. Not too overwhelming. It reminds me that back then, the once-a-week trip to the city seems very grand.

After a year, I moved to Ivanhoe; studied in Monash Caulfield. Due to the length of the journey, I moved to Murrumbeena within couple months. Then, because of one reason or another, I moved to South Yarra.
Favorite Food? Anything that I can eat while walking (No friends in uni and I CAN'T eat alone!!!)
Favorite Activity? Walking down Southbank and Yarra River area every weekend with the Lvl-17-girls.
Favorite People? The Lvl-17-girls!!!
Distance to the city? 40 mins by train.
Nearest Shopping Mall? Chadstone - maybe - didn't go to the mall much though. CBD and Caulfield Coles mainly.
Free Time Activity? Can't remember! :)
Both Ivanhoe and Murrumbeena are a bit too quiet for me. Very dark at night. Living with Cath, Agnes, and Marda near Lia and Cella was a lot of fun and very pleasant. My computer is still pretty much my life. :)

Since then, I pretty much stayed in South Yarra. Till now. Studied in Monash for 3 years. Then worked (still am) in the city for 2 years and a bit now.
Favorite Food? Mmm.... Changes every month.
Favorite Activity? Mmm... Changes every week.
Favorite People? Met too many interesting people to mention.
Distance to the city? 10 mins by train.
Nearest Shopping Mall? Dun have one. City, Chadstone, Victoria Gardens.
Free Time Activity? Don't have FREE TIME!!! :P

Anyway, back to the main topic... what should be on my Melbourne must-visit list?
- Crown Casino/Yarra River
- St Kilda Beach/Luna Park/Port Melbourne/Williamstown
- Lygon St
- Wilson's Prom
- Chapel St
- Docklands
- Monash University!!! :)))

I love Melbourne... and I really hope Pipi will too.

Any suggestions are welcome...

Ciao!

Loving and Being Loved in Return

Ever since I moved away from Indo, I spend a bit of time during my trip back to Jakarta, going through old letters, cards and pictures. I have always enjoy doing it cause every time it reminds me of different things as well as gives me different type of mixed feelings.

I've just done my second round for this trip and ...
... I really enjoy the feeling it gives me today. :)

I felt that in my 24+ years of life - I've been really close to quite a few different people (non-family related people); I've cared and loved quite a few of them; and from browsing through the letters, cards and pictures; I realised that I've been loved and cared by quite a few of them too... Of course, some more than others, and for some past tense doesn't quite work - cause they're still around me. I guess that's the power of handwritten hard-copies :) It touches you more than the emails' block characters can do.

There are quite a few people that I don't recall have ever sent me letters/cards and apparently they have - and going through the letters; it seems like I've sent them letters/cards too.. haha me and my bad memory.

The sad part is that it reminds of some people that I'd really like to be still in touch with but with time constraint, things changing, and people moving, it's tricky.

When I first moved from Medan to Jakarta - two friends keep me busy with letters that definitely make me laugh - Herlin S and Cindy S (my cousin) - we were still kids back then; so the things that we write aren't exactly interesting; but we kept in touch for almost 2 years.. that's LONG for 10-11 years old!

After that, there is this pen pal that I still haven't met (Maura C) or maybe I have - I can't remember. Mmm then there are some other letters.. OJ has been a great pen-pal for quite sometime too.. Mmm.. who else?

Anyway, the list can go on and on but my point is... I think it is really great to realise that we've sincerely loved & cared for someone and been (I think and hope.. sincerely too) loved and cared for in return by quite a few people... These people - however far they are from me right now... have definitely gives meaning to my life... In fact, this whole thing might be what life is about to me... :D

Happy Chinese New Year !!!

It's that time of the year again - the Chinese New Year!!!

The time when everyone put on their pretty new clothes.
The time when the younger relatives visit and pay their respect to the older relatives.
The time when the un-married people get to receive the red pockets (with money $$$ in it) :) from the people who are married.

It's been more of a good thing than bad thing for me so far.
Let's see...
It's good cause I'm one of the un-married ones ($$$ _ $$$).
It's good cause I get to see quite a lot of the relatives whom I haven't seen for quite a while.
It's good cause then I don't have to find a separate time within my short holiday to visit my uncles and aunties again - saves me a lot of time.
Also, it's good cause I get to see my younger cousins (who all seem to have grown up so quickly hence make me feel a bit old) as well as to do big catch-up (that I enjoy) with the ones that are about my age.

Mmm.. The bad points?
It's bad cause the older relatives tend to ask about 'the' topic; i.e. "Marriage - When?" Problem? Mmmm.. Trying to explain that I no longer have a boyfriend to marry and having to hear "*LOL* you're kidding - so WHEN are you getting married?" *Sigh* I guess that's what happen when you joke around too much about serious things!
It's bad cause the unavoidable thing happen a lot - comparison with the other cousins; e.g. she looks good - he looks good - her partner is great - his partner is great - etc. This year has been OK; I get slightly more complments than complains :P. But the way I see it - it means that I have to make sure I improve or at least stay the way I am at the moment - else next year I'll be amongst the doomed ones. Not that I care THAT much :P.

Anyway - need to start counting the amount of money I get for putting up with sweet-talking the whole day... :P Oyasumi!

Reminder to self: Impact of Extreme Jealousy

“In jealousy there is more of self-love than love.”
-- François de la Rochefoucauld quotes (French classical author, leading exponent of the Maxime, 1613-1680)

“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves”
-- William Penn quotes (English Quaker leader and Founder of Pennsylvania, 1644-1718)

Miniatures - so cuteeee!! :))

Have a look at these cute things... they're miniatures of the typical Indonesian stalls!!! It is soooooo cute!!! Very pricey though :)

Tarq 4 Reunion - 16th February 2007 - Twin Plaza Hotel

Just got back from the reunion thing - I was a bit worried at first (haven't seen most people for a longgggg time!!!) - but it turned out great. The attendance was a bit low (only ~65 people were there!!!) but the catching ups were great. So many people with so many different stories. Most of them are back here though - doing something... :)
It's a lot of fun and exciting to see them as who they're today along with the shadows of what they used to be :)) Remembering names have always been my issue but luckily Jefrey helped a lot :P And, special thanks to all the people I asked for help taking pictures - thanks heaps!!! :)
It was an AWESOME nite indeed - thanks to those who somehow managed to find time to organize this :)

Pics below:
Tar-Q 4 Girls


Tar-Q 4 Boys


Me and my bessies :) (Jefrey + Pipi)

The brightest bear

Here's a really nice article about standing out in a crowd instead of blending in that a special friend send to me...
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/02/the-brightest-bear/

Happy Valentine's Day - from ex entertainment centre n me :)