What We Sometimes Don't Realise...

... is how much what we say can hurt the feelings of those people we hold dear.

Those closest to us should be the ones that we are most caring with. Yet, sometimes, because the closeness makes us feel so much at home (or maybe it's the fact that we think we can get away with it), we just say what we think and do as we like without paying attention that the things we say or do might be hurting them. On top of that, the things we say or do actually means a lot (definitely more than if it had come from an acquaintance), hence it has more power in affecting their feeling.

Relationships within a family, between siblings or parents-kids, are very strong yet fragile. Strong, because in most cases, it's unconditional. You can do anything and they'll still forgive you in the end. Fragile, because once broken, even if they forgive you and still talk to you, they no longer actually "enjoy" your company and little mistakes build up very easily when things are in your face all the time. Plus, because we know them well, we are able to hurt them more when we're inclined to.

I find that the most common cause for the conflicts between siblings is that family members not realising that each member is an individual, who can still be very different, even though we grow up together, we live together and we were taught the same things. Or, even if we realise the differences, we do not try to understand the differences. Instead, we judge the differences.

Judging, in a close relationship, is a very very very bad sin.

Judging our close ones makes them feel that they have some sort of characteristics to fulfill in the relationship. Our judgement will most likely be incorrect too, as people change. The judgement changes too, but at a much lower speed than their rate of change (well for one, there will be a lag between their changes and our noticing their changes). If and when people are trying to change, judging can be very detrimental, e.g. labeling a person as lazy might promote their likeliness to keep their laziness.

Don't judge. When you do accidentally judge, imagine if it is you who are being judged. I assure you that when you remember how bad it feels when you're being judged, you will naturally stop judging.

Another very detrimental common sin in a close relationship, is to expect and not appreciate. The impacts of expectation in a close relationship has been covered in one of my previous posts, "More Recent Thoughts on Expectation". But, to expect and not appreciate, is a relationship suicide. Being appreciative generally does not require much effort while providing a very powerful impact. It changes the light of the relationship and it naturally encourages others to be nice and helpful towards you.

For my part - I plan to be avoid judging and to be more careful with what I say and do to the people that I love. I have also been testing and trialling the "no expectation, just appreciate" behaviour and I am definitely liking the result. Moreover, I'd like to use the "know them well" part to my advantage. Instead of using it to hurt them when I'm upset, I want to use this to improve the relationship.

There goes another rambling from me.

Awww! Love the look!

I know the look of the outfit is partially biased towards the fact that it is worn by Miranda Kerr... Still, I think it would look decent on us commoners. :)

-- Taken from Shop Til You Drop - Get The Look (Miranda Kerr) page.

Mmmm.. here's an adorable fuchsia full skirt... :)
-- Taken from Lucky Magazine website.

Did you know ...

... the real capacity of a song???

On the train today, my MP3 player choose to play "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz (the updated version for the Amazon.com: We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things: Jason Mraz: Music album) and it just makes me CRAZILY happy. The I-want-to-sing-jump-up-and-down-and-dance-to-the-music type happy. Yup - in the super packed morning rush-to-work train! Plus, it's me! I don't dance! It's crazy.

Anyway - if you already know the song, be sure to check the new version out; if you don't know the song, get to know it!!! It definitely will lifts up your spirit! :)

Thanks, Jason!

As an addition, here's a post that has some tips on achieving happiness, "9 Tips in Life that Lead to Happiness - Stepcase Lifehack". I have to say - tips #2 is definitely working very well for me (with #1 being the pre-requisite). :)

P.S.: *Sob* Now I wish I had said yes when my brother offer to get me ticket to his upcoming Melbourne gig in August!!!! Argh!

Updated on 28th June 2008:
Coincidentally, the Dietriffic blog is also talking about happiness today... :) Check out the post, "The Secret of Happiness".

Shopping Shopping Shopping

I've been waiting eagerly for the time when I can go shopping for the past month or so! Most of my clothes don't fit the way I'd like them to and I've been eye-ing lots of different things lately. Plus, it's stocktake sale time! *Yippee!*

So what am I going to shop for?

Well - I bought a very nice long red (with a very little hint of orange) V-neck Sweater; which I'm not sure what I'd wear it with as yet. I'm thinking thick black stockings with heels or boots. What colour boots? Black seems bland but I'm not sure what other colour would do. It'd be nice to be able to pull of something like this...

-- Taken from youlookfab » Blog Archive » Four ways to wear bright shoes
But even without trying; I know that if I wear those things I'll end up looking like a clown! :P Anyway - I'd really like to find the right things that will go with this pretty red sweater.

Next, work pants. I need a really nice fitting and durable sleek black pants in my wardrobe. It needs to go with everything!

Then, a new pencil skirt. My favorite pencil skirt that used to make me feel all grown up and professional looking no longer fits me the way it used to! Ick. So - I'll have to find a replacement for it.

I'm considering about wide legged pants...-- Taken from youlookfab » Blog Archive » Wary of wide-legged pants
But still not very sure about it. Will see how it goes when I try them on.

I will also need a light grey sweater vest to wear over work shirts, a nice fitting black cardigan (which I haven't got around to replace since I donated my comfy old Guess black cardigan) and a sleek formal looking dark boot cut jeans (Something like the one the lady in yellow top wears in the first picture would be nice). A few new tops would be nice too. Maybe a new black long coat (but this can wait...). A nice bright red jacket would be nice too. Yup - the list continue to grow and grow and grow.

Thankfully - last nite when I clean up my wardrobe (again - for the hundredth time), I can finally say that I have memory of wearing every one of the clothes in my wardrobe at least once in the past year (Trying it out at home counts!). They are looking pretty neat nowadays - not so overly cluttered anymore. The casual clothes wardrobe which I share with my sister is another story though.

Mmm.. I wonder how much all those shopping are going to cost me... Bleh! Not a pretty thought. At least I have a stack of nice clothing (some of them brand new with tag) which I'd like to sell. Now, if only I can find out what is the best way to sell them?

Desperate Housewives S04E17

Tom Scavo said...

"If you're willing to break up over ice sculpture, you guys should ABSOLUTELY not get married."
...
"Because - who gets to choose the ice sculpture, who should take out the trash, who has to stay home and make the mini pizzas - that's the little stuff.
What are you gonna do when the big stuff comes along?"
...
"What are you gonna do when a tornado hits your house or you have problem with your kids or one of you gets cancer?
At some point - the crap is GOING to hit the fan - and that is why now, BEFORE you make the commitment, you have to ask yourself:
Is that person in bed next to you WORTH the trouble?
Do you love him or her so much that no disease, no disaster could possibly pull you apart?"

I love the speech!

By the way - this is the first time I've heard the term "the crap hits the fan". *LOL* Apparently, it's used to form a picture of when things get uncontrollable. Anyway, find out more about the term at this Urban Dictionary page.

The Problem with Labelling...

Geez - it's been so long since I have been this sick.

I stayed home and watched the finale episode of the Desperate Housewives - 4th Season. A really good watch indeed.

Something that hits me right in the face from episode 16 was the general habit of labeling someone and why it is never right because of how dynamics we are. We are all capable of being good and bad at the same time. That's what makes us interesting.

It's easy to just label someone as something, e.g. someone who lie once as a liar, someone who steal once as a thief, someone who help someone else as a saint... but how long does this label last? How valid are they if they keep changing almost every second?

It's even easier to label an acquaintance and gossip about them to other people. But - really - what do we get from it? Why do something that might hurts other people's feeling (directly or indirectly)? And more importantly - why waste our time doing that if we are not getting anything out of it?

Something else that is just as important, I need to work on my desire to be labeled as something. I should use my realisation of the fact that I am a complex individual (most of us are) and stop trying to fit into a particular label. It's difficult enough to find time to do the things that I love to do and focus on the things that I genuinely care about. Why should I waste time on getting a particular label which has no meaning and especially when no one knows how long it will last anyway?

Just my thought.

Worrying: This Article is Freakishly Talking To Me Direcly...

"Too many women are fretting about the future instead of savoring happiness now. Find out how to stop the cycle - and get back to enjoying every day."
-- Taken from the article mentioned below!

There is this article in November 2007 edition of SELF magazine titled "Life is good. So why can't you stop worrying?" by Stephanie Dolgoff.

Despite the desire to deny, I have to say some of the paragraphs are way too relate-able. See following extracts...

"When I'm in a worrying mood, I can fret about nearly anything. Doing so makes me feel as if I'm solving a problem, even if the problem doesn't exist yet. My husband, Paul, frequently points out that I get so worked up about preventing snafus that I forget they're hypothetical; I find myself as twisted up as if they've become full-blown disasters. That's a lot of wasted energy..."

"The trouble with this kind of thinking, familiar with it as I am, is that girding yourself for the downturn doesn't necessarily soften the landing, not to mention that it makes it tough to take pleasure in the good times."

"The worst part about being a platinum member of the worry club is that, more often than not, when fretters bite their nails, they sometimes create bona fide things to worry about in the process. I've known women in new relationships that are going along happily, who have still felt compelled to constantly seek reassurance from their partner - "Just tell me you want to break up with me now instead of torturing me!" The result? They drive said partner away, resulting in the feared outcome. "No matter how many times the person answers yes to the question 'Do you love me?' it doesn't do any good. A worrier thinks, Is he only saying that to make me feel better? Or, What if he changes his mind tomorrow?""

"As for why we agonize, "Worriers hope to gain a feeling of sureness," says Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D., author of The Worry Cure (Three Rivers Press). "They want to avoid disappointment or staunch a problem before it gets out of control."

"Breaking the perpetual worry cycle takes separating unproductive fretting from the kind of problem solving that helps everyday life run more smoothly."

Yup - this article is a GREAT EXAMPLE of the reason I chose to subscribe with SELF magazine.

Some tips to stop your stressing (following the article)...
* Choose to stop worrying
* Plan to fret: Take time off, do your worrying, move on!
* Keep a journal of your worrying
* Challenge the possibility of your worry
* Peel an orange (or do something else - distract yourself!)
* Get nostalgic (on your worries which did not come true!)

The Orphanage and Wedding Ring Facts

Last night, I went and see Orfanato, El (translate: The Orphanage) [2007]. It was really enjoyable! (Yup! Even though some parts of the movie did an excellent job in scaring the sh*t out of me!)

One small thing kept me a little distracted though; i.e. the wife and the husband are wearing their wedding ring on the right hand. It got me very curious!

I've only recently learned that wedding ring is worn on the base of the ring finger on the left hand. Why is that so?
Wikipedia says...

"In Western cultures a wedding ring is traditionally worn on the ring finger. This developed from the Roman "annulus pronubis" when the man gave a ring to the woman at the betrothal ceremony. According to tradition in some countries (derived from Roman belief), the wedding ring is worn on the left ring finger because the vein in the left ring finger, referred to as the vena amoris was believed to be directly connected to the heart, a symbol of love."
-- Taken from Ring Finger Wikipedia Page.

So - why did they wear it on a different hand altogether in the movie??

Well - here's the story...

"As with most cultures, the wedding rings are a significant part of the ceremony as well as a symbol of the union between the bride and groom. Although some people may be accustomed to wearing wedding rings on the ring finger of the left hand, Spanish wedding traditions are different. The bride and groom wear wedding rings on the right hand."
-- Taken from The Traditions of a Spanish Wedding - Associated Content.

Apparently, being more observant and curious means that I get to learn something new (fairly often).

Mothers' Day vs Father's Day

The post that Tara Whitney wrote yesterday, a day for him, which I have shared on my Google Reader Shared web page, got me panicked for a little while. Oops - did I forgot to organize the important Father's Day wishes call? @.@

Luckily - I didn't. Fiuh..
Mmm.. well actually - you can either say I did or didn't, depending on where you are.

According to Wikipedia, both Mothers' Day and Father's Day* fall on different dates all around the world. The confusing thing is that Australia Mothers' Day falls on the same day as to most other countries (i.e. Second Sunday of May); but has a different Father's Day to the rest of the countries (i.e. First Sunday of September) - sharing it only with New Zealand-ers.

* Brief explanation on the spelling:
"Although normal English punctuation guidelines indicate that the holiday should be spelled "Fathers' Day" (as it is a plural possessive), common usage dictates that the ostensibly singular possessive "Father's Day" is the preferred spelling."
-- Taken from Wikipedia

Indonesian only celebrates Mother's Day, yup - also on a different date (i.e. 22nd December). Grrr - what should I do??? I really don't want to hurt my parents' feelings by not wishing them the "Happy Father's/Mothers' Day" when all their friends are getting the wishes. Just to complicate things more, my parents watch Taiwanese TV shows (through the Satellite) - which has the same Mother's Day as Australia, but a different Father's Day (8th August), which means that they will be exposed to that too!!!! Haiyaaaaaaaaaa!!!

For now, I've decided since I missed out on the communal Father's Day (i.e. Third Sunday of June); I'm just going to follow the Australian Father's Day for giving the proper present day plus "Happy Father's/Mothers' Day" for the Indonesian Mother's Day and Taiwanese Father's Day. Sounds fair.

*Sigh* You would expect the world would have one singular global Father's Day and Mothers' Day instead of confusing people who might be located in different countries! :P Oh well!

Cravings: Sate Padang

The other day when i saw Bernard's post, Duan Wu Festival, it raises my zongzi, Sticky Rice Dumplings, cravings. Not sure what I did to deserve the luck, the next day, Louisa (my youngest brother's, Charles, girlfriend) brought over some. Yummy!

Now, for some weird reason, Sate Padang pops up in my head...

Picture taken from the sate padang!.
Yummmmmmmmmmmmm - enakk!!!! MAUUUUUUUUU!!! (Translate: Yummmmmmmmmmm - yummyy!!!! WANTTTTTTTTTT!!!)

And the above post in Berry Berry Ramen also triggers my Putu Bambu cravings!!! Arghhhh!!!

Apology for the pointless post - this is just a desperate attempt to maybe trigger the same thing happening again (someone appearing with these food)! :P