WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE EPISODE!!! I REPEAT, DO NOT!!!It was an excellent episode, full of both beautiful and heartbreaking conversations (definitely a very touching episode!)...
PRESTON BURKE's vows:
"Cristina, I could promise to hold you, and to cherish you. I could promise to be there, in sickness and in health. I could say till death do us part. But I won't. Those vows are for optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful. I am sure. I am steady. I'm a heart man. Take 'em apart, put 'em back together, hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this, I am sure. You are my partner. My lover. My very best friend. My heart. My heart beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this. I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you... me."
ADDISON said [after hearing Preston's vows]: "I think I speak for ever woman here when I say... Dump her. Dump Yang and marry me."
I relate completely to Addison's comment on Preston's vows. When I see someone with THAT kind of ability to love, I wish that it is me that they love.. It makes me think that if someone loves me THAT much, I will be the happiest girl in the world.
A few years back, when I first received a box of dozen long-stemmed roses, I said to my friend, "I'm going to marry this guy (the sender)!!!". Those were my words. Looking back, it was very naive of me to say that. I didn't understand what I meant by marrying. I didn't even understand the concept of marrying someone. In fact, I shouldn't talk about marrying him, I should say I'm going to marry the feeling that I get when I received the flower.
Marriage is not simple. It's not up to one person. It's up to the two people involved in it and a little bit more. You can love someone whole-heartedly, and it still doesn't guarantee that you'll marry that person. Someone can love you with ALL of their heart and that also doesn't guarantee anything. In fact, both parties can love each other completely and still there is no guarantee that they'll get married. Timing, Life, Other people, they all affect the possibility. I guess that's why, when two people decided to get married, it's a big thing. It's a big celebration. Of their commitment. Of their decision to continue their life journey together. Of love.
I didn't understand this... Hell, I didn't even think I fully understand the commitment I make when I tell someone I'm going out with them.
Ever since I was a child, like many others, I think of wedding as a joint of two adults. Getting married is something fun that people do when they grew up and finished university. Just like the adult version of dating I guess. When I started going to university, this no longer have the "fun" aspect anymore. It was more this scary thing that I try to avoid, cause it meant responsibility (to me that is). Then when I started working, I realised that marriage doesn't really mean responsibility. Because I've got all the responsibilities anyway now that I'm working.
So I began to wonder, what is marriage? Not the word, not the wedding ceremony, but more the meaning of it. What is this fascination that people have towards wedding and marriage? I wonder for quite a while and then I stopped wondering because It didn't get me anywhere. I couldn't understand it. Sometimes I thought I understand and then something came up and makes me doubt my understanding again. Then I kinda gave up. More recently, my friends are all getting married. Some are having babies. At work, quite a few friends are already married. My parents are asking when is my turn (well they have been for quite a while actually). It makes me wonder too.. when is my turn? I'm not desperate to get married or anything. It's just that to me, marriage is a big mystery that can only be understood once you're in it. I'm waiting for life's BIG signal for me to get married. Just like when I completed high school, my life signaled me to do a Computer course. Just like when I get the life signal to come to Australia to study. I like having my life story to just unfold. I don't like forcing it to go one way or another. I prefer not to take responsibility for when life goes sour. Geez - that makes me sound very silly (even to me). So, when I say I wonder, when is my turn? I was waiting for life's signal to get married. I was waiting for the wrong thing.
I should be waiting for my life's signal to me that I'm mature enough to get married. I knew it was wrong to want to marry someone for honeymoon, I knew it was wrong to want to marry someone to get my own life, what I didn't knew is, what is the real reason for people to get married? What make them so sure? What make them so brave to take that big a step?
Luckily, I haven't given up to find the reason. Luckily, I didn't fool myself into getting married without knowing what it is. Cause I would have been married with the wrong idea and for the wrong reason if I had. (Not that I was ever close to :))
I learnt from someone that if I have to think if I want something, most likely I don't want it enough... These conversations from Grey's Anatomy remind me of that...
CRISTINA: "I am wearing the dress. I'm ready. And, and maybe I didn't want to before. But I want to now. I really think I want this."
PRESTON: "I really wish you didn’t think. I wish that you knew."
-= ... =-
PRESTON: "I'm up there waiting for you to come down the aisle and... I know you don't want to come. If I loved you, I wouldn't be up there waiting for you. I would be letting you go."
The thing is, sometimes we're a bit slow in knowing what we want... Just look at this example conversation below...
CRISTINA: "He's gone."
MEREDITH: "I... I don't think he's gone. Uh... his stuff is still here."
CRISTINA: "No. No. His trumpet isn't here. His entire Eugene Foote collection, vinyls and CD's. His grandmother's picture was by the bed. His lucky scrub cap was hanging on the door. He's gone. I'm.. I'm free. Damn it. Damn it, damn it! Oh God, get this off me! Take this off, take this off! I can't... Help me, help me, help me!"
Love is complicated, staying together with someone requires effort, just read the conversation between Meredith and Derek (my favorite couple) below...
MEREDITH: "If you want to break up with me, so that you can see other women, just do it. Don't tell me you met another woman. Just end it, if that's what you want."
DEREK: "I can't."
MEREDITH: "Sure you can, here's how it goes. Meredith, I don't want to see you anymore. Meredith, I don't love you anymore."
DEREK: "Meredith, I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you. But you're constantly leaving me. You walk away when you want, you come back when you want. Not everyone, not your friends, but you leave me. So, I'm asking you, if you don't see a future with us. Please... please just end it because I'm in it. Put me out of my misery."
MEREDITH: "I... I can't. Christina's getting married. I have to go... to make sure she's getting married."
DEREK: "Meredith?
MEREDITH: "I really need to make sure she gets down that aisle."
DEREK: "Let's go, we're running late."
-= ... =-
PRESTON: "You really don't look so good."
DEREK: "Meredith and I, we may not make it. I think I want it more than she does. But today's your day, it's all about you today."
PRESTON: "You really are a good best man."
DEREK: "I try."
-= ... =-
MEREDITH: [to guests] "It's over. You can all go home. It's over... so over..."
What I still don't understand is that why is the producer of the series so cruel!!! BOOOOO!!!
Why does George has to fail the internship? Why is it so difficult for Meredith to commit? Why did Alex have to be so stubborn about hiding his feeling for Rebecca (or Ava)? Why didn't Cristina come out from the door before Preston enter the bride-getting-ready-room?
But, that does resemble what life can be like..
I used to get annoyed at how cliche and dramatized things in movies/TV series can be with the "missed opportunities" and "timings".. but lately, I realise that it is life..
Be quick. Take your chances. Make up your mind. Do the things you want to do. Don't give up. And then just do what the soundtrack keep telling us "All we can do is keep breathing..."
Just another brilliant episode of Grey's Anatomy. ^.^
Love is the best gift of all.
