Thursday, October 27, 2005

specially dedicated to my dearest...

PS. Sorry it's in Indonesian :( but this is an extremely good story.... i HAD to put it up.. ^.^

MENJELANG hari H, Nania masih saja sulit mengungkapkan alasan kenapa dia mau menikah dengan lelaki itu. Baru setelah menengok ke belakang, hari-hari yang dilalui, gadis cantik itu sadar, keheranan yang terjadi bukan semata miliknya, melainkan menjadi milik banyak orang; Papa dan Mama, kakak-kakak, tetangga, dan teman-teman Nania. Mereka ternyata sama herannya.
"Kenapa?" tanya mereka di hari Nania mengantarkan surat undangan.
Saat itu teman-teman baik Nania sedang duduk di kantin menikmati hari-hari sidang yang baru saja berlalu. Suasana sore di kampus sepi. Berpasang-pasang mata tertuju pada gadis itu.
Tiba-tiba saja pipi Nania bersemu merah, lalu matanya berpijar bagaikan lampu neon limabelas watt. Hatinya sibuk merangkai kata-kata yang barangkali beterbangan di otak melebihi kapasitas. Mulut Nania terbuka. Semua menunggu. Tapi tak ada apapun yang keluar dari sana. Ia hanya menarik nafas, mencoba bicara dan? menyadari, dia tak punya kata-kata!
Dulu gadis berwajah indo itu mengira punya banyak jawaban, alasan detil dan spesifik, kenapa bersedia menikah dengan laki-laki itu. Tapi kejadian dikampus adalah kali kedua Nania yang pintar berbicara mendadak gagap.Yang pertama terjadi tiga bulan lalu saat Nania menyampaikan keinginan Rafli untuk melamarnya. Arisan keluarga Nania dianggapmomen yang tepat karena semua berkumpul, bahkan hingga generasi ketiga,sebab kakak-kakaknya yang sudah berkeluarga membawa serta buntut mereka.
"Kamu pasti bercanda!"
Nania kaget. Tapi melihat senyum yang tersungging di wajah kakak tertua, disusul senyum serupa dari kakak nomor dua, tiga, dan terakhir dari Papa dan Mama membuat Nania menyimpulkan: mereka serius ketika mengira Nania bercanda.
Suasana sekonyong-konyong hening. Bahkan keponakan-keponakan Nania yang balita melongo dengan gigi-gigi mereka yang ompong. Semua menatap Nania!
"Nania serius!" tegasnya sambil menebak-nebak, apa lucunya jika Rafli memang melamarnya.
"Tidak ada yang lucu," suara Papa tegas, "Papa hanya tidak mengira Rafli berani melamar anak Papa yang paling cantik!"
Nania tersenyum. Sedikit lega karena kalimat Papa barusan adalah pertanda baik. Perkiraan Nania tidak sepenuhnya benar sebab setelah itu berpasang-pasang mata kembali menghujaninya, seperti tatapan mata penuh selidik seisi ruang pengadilan pada tertuduh yang duduk layaknya pesakitan.
"Tapi Nania tidak serius dengan Rafli, kan?" Mama mengambil inisiatif bicara, masih seperti biasa dengan nada penuh wibawa, "maksud Mama siapa saja boleh datang melamar siapapun, tapi jawabannya tidak harus iya, toh?"
Nania terkesima.
"Kenapa?"
"Sebab kamu gadis Papa yang paling cantik."
"Sebab kamu paling berprestasi dibandingkan kami. Mulai dari ajang busana, sampai lomba beladiri. Kamu juga juara debat bahasa Inggris, juara baca puisi seprovinsi. Suaramu bagus!"
"Sebab masa depanmu cerah. Sebentar lagi kamu meraih gelar insinyur. Bakatmu yang lain pun luar biasa. Nania sayang, kamu bisa mendapatkan laki-laki manapun yang kamu mau!"
Nania memandangi mereka, orang-orang yang amat dia kasihi, Papa, kakak-kakak, dan terakhir Mama. Takjub dengan rentetan panjang uraian mereka atau satu kata 'kenapa' yang barusan Nania lontarkan.
"Nania cuma mau Rafli," sahutnya pendek dengan airmata mengambang di kelopak.
Hari itu dia tahu, keluarganya bukan sekadar tidak suka, melainkan sangat tidak menyukai Rafli. Ketidaksukaan yang mencapai stadium empat. Parah.
"Tapi kenapa?"
"Sebab Rafli cuma laki-laki biasa, dari keluarga biasa, dengan pendidikan biasa, berpenampilan biasa, dengan pekerjaan dan gaji yang amat sangat biasa. Bergantian tiga saudara tua Nania mencoba membuka matanya. Tak ada yang bisa dilihat pada dia, Nania!"
"Cukup!" Nania menjadi marah. Tidak pada tempatnya ukuran-ukuran duniawi menjadi parameter kebaikan seseorang menjadi manusia. Di mana iman, di mana tawakkal hingga begitu mudah menentukan masa depan seseorang dengan Melihat pencapaiannya hari ini?
Sayangnya Nania lagi-lagi gagal membuka mulut dan membela Rafli. Barangkali karena Nania memang tidak tahu bagaimana harus membelanya. Gadis itu tak punya fakta dan data konkret yang bisa membuat Rafli tampak 'luar biasa'. Nania cuma punya idealisme berdasarkan perasaan yang telah menuntun Nania menapaki hidup hingga umur duapuluh tiga. Dan nalurinya menerima Rafli. Di sampingnya Nania bahagia.
Mereka akhirnya menikah.

***
Setahun pernikahan.

Orang-orang masih sering menanyakan hal itu, masih sering berbisik-bisik di belakang Nania, apa sebenarnya yang dia lihat dari Rafli. Jeleknya, Nania masih belum mampu juga menjelaskan kelebihan-kelebihan Rafli agar tampak di mata mereka.
Nania hanya merasakan cinta begitu besar dari Rafli, begitu besar hingga Nania bisa merasakannya hanya dari sentuhan tangan, tatapan mata, atau cara dia meladeni Nania. Hal-hal sederhana yang membuat perempuan itu sangat bahagia.
"Tidak ada lelaki yang bisa mencintai sebesar cinta Rafli pada Nania." Nada suara Nania tegas, mantap, tanpa keraguan. Ketiga saudara Nania hanya memandang lekat, mata mereka terlihat tak percaya.
"Nia, siapapun akan mudah mencintai gadis secantikmu!"
"Kamu adik kami yang tak hanya cantik, tapi juga pintar!"
"Betul. Kamu adik kami yang cantik, pintar, dan punya kehidupan sukses!"
Nania merasa lidahnya kelu. Hatinya siap memprotes. Dan kali ini dilakukannya sungguh-sungguh. Mereka tak boleh meremehkan Rafli. Beberapa lama keempat adik dan kakak itu beradu argumen.
"Tapi Rafli juga tidak jelek, Kak!" "Betul. Tapi dia juga tidak ganteng kan?"
"Rafli juga pintar!" "Tidak sepintarmu, Nania."
"Rafli juga sukses, pekerjaannya lumayan." "Hanya lumayan, Nania. Bukan sukses. Tidak sepertimu."
Seolah tak ada apapun yang bisa meyakinkan kakak-kakaknya, bahwa adik mereka beruntung mendapatkan suami seperti Rafli. Lagi-lagi percuma.
"Lihat hidupmu, Nania. Lalu lihat Rafli! Kamu sukses, mapan, kamu bahkan tidak perlu lelaki untuk menghidupimu."
Teganya kakak-kakak Nania mengatakan itu semua.
Padahal adik mereka sudah menikah dan sebentar lagi punya anak.
Ketika lima tahun pernikahan berlalu, ocehan itu tak juga berhenti. Padahal Nania dan Rafli sudah memiliki dua orang anak, satu lelaki dan satu perempuan. Keduanya menggemaskan. Rafli bekerja lebih rajin setelah mereka memiliki anak-anak. Padahal itu tidak perlu sebab gaji Nania lebih dari cukup untuk hidup senang.
"Tak apa," kata lelaki itu, ketika Nania memintanya untuk tidak terlalu memforsir diri.
"Gaji Nania cukup, maksud Nania jika digabungkan dengan gaji Abang."
Nania tak bermaksud menyinggung hati lelaki itu.
Tapi dia tak perlu khawatir sebab suaminya yang berjiwa besar selalu bisa menangkap hanya maksud baik.
"Sebaiknya Nania tabungkan saja, untuk jaga-jaga. Ya?"
Lalu dia mengelus pipi Nania dan mendaratkan kecupan lembut. Saat itu sesuatu seperti kejutan listrik menyentakkan otak dan membuat pikiran Nania cerah.
Inilah hidup yang diimpikan banyak orang. Bahagia!
Pertanyaan kenapa dia menikahi laki-laki biasa, dari keluarga biasa, dengan pendidikan biasa, berpenampilan biasa, dengan pekerjaan dan gaji yang amat sangat biasa, tak lagi mengusik perasaan Nania.
Sebab ketika bahagia, alasan-alasan menjadi tidak penting.

***
Menginjak tahun ketujuh pernikahan, posisi Nania di kantor semakin gemilang, uang mengalir begitu mudah, rumah Nania besar, anak-anak pintar dan lucu, dan Nania memiliki suami terbaik di dunia. Hidup perempuan itu berada di puncak!
Bisik-bisik masih terdengar, setiap Nania dan Rafli melintas dan bergandengan mesra. Bisik orang-orang di kantor, bisik tetangga kanan dan kiri, bisik saudara-saudara Nania, bisik Papa dan Mama.
"Sungguh beruntung suaminya. Istrinya cantik." "Cantik ya? dan kaya!" "Tak imbang!"
Dulu bisik-bisik itu membuatnya frustrasi. Sekarang pun masih, tapi Nania belajar untuk bersikap cuek tidak peduli. Toh dia hidup dengan perasaan bahagia yang kian membukit dari hari ke hari.
Tahun kesepuluh pernikahan, hidup Nania masih belum bergeser dari puncak. Anak-anak semakin besar. Nania mengandung yang ketiga. Selama kurun waktu itu, tak sekalipun Rafli melukai hati Nania, atau membuat Nania menangis.

***
Bayi yang dikandung Nania tidak juga mau keluar. Sudah lewat dua minggu dari waktunya.
"Plasenta kamu sudah berbintik-bintik. Sudah tua, Nania. Harus segera dikeluarkan!"
Mula-mula dokter kandungan langganan Nania memasukkan sejenis obat ke dalam rahim Nania. Obat itu akan menimbulkan kontraksi hebat hingga perempuan itu merasakan sakit yang teramat sangat. Jika semuanya normal, hanya dalam hitungan jam, mereka akan segera melihat si kecil.
Rafli tidak beranjak dari sisi tempat tidur Nania di rumah sakit. Hanya waktu-waktu shalat lelaki itu meninggalkannya sebentar ke kamar mandi, dan menunaikan shalat di sisi tempat tidur. Sementara kakak-kakak serta orangtua Nania belum satu pun yang datang.
Anehnya, meski obat kedua sudah dimasukkan, delapan jam setelah obat pertama, Nania tak menunjukkan tanda-tanda akan melahirkan. Rasa sakit dan melilit sudah dirasakan Nania per lima menit, lalu tiga menit. Tapi pembukaan berjalan lambat sekali.
"Baru pembukaan satu."
"Belum ada perubahan, Bu."
"Sudah bertambah sedikit," kata seorang suster empat jam kemudian menyemaikan harapan.
"Sekarang pembukaan satu lebih sedikit."
Nania dan Rafli berpandangan. Mereka sepakat suster terakhir yang memeriksa memiliki sense of humor yang tinggi.
Tiga puluh jam berlalu. Nania baru pembukaan dua. Ketika pembukaan pecah, didahului keluarnya darah, mereka terlonjak bahagia sebab dulu-dulu kelahiran akan mengikuti setelah ketuban pecah. Perkiraan mereka meleset.
"Masih pembukaan dua, Pak!"
Rafli tercengang. Cemas. Nania tak bisa menghibur karena rasa sakit yang sudah tak sanggup lagi ditanggungnya. Kondisi perempuan itu makin payah. Sejak pagi tak sesuap nasi pun bisa ditelannya.
"Bang?"
Rafli termangu. Iba hatinya melihat sang istri memperjuangkan dua kehidupan.
"Dokter?"
"Kita operasi, Nia. Bayinya mungkin terlilit tali pusar."
"Mungkin?"
Rafli dan Nania berpandangan. Kenapa tidak dari tadi kalau begitu? Bagaimana jika terlambat?
Mereka berpandangan, Nania berusaha mengusir kekhawatiran. Ia senang karena Rafli tidak melepaskan genggaman tangannya hingga ke pintu kamar operasi. Ia tak suka merasa sendiri lebih awal.
Pembiusan dilakukan, Nania digiring ke ruangan serba putih. Sebuah sekat ditaruh di perutnya hingga dia tidak bisa menyaksikan ketrampilan dokter-dokter itu. Sebuah lagu dimainkan. Nania merasa berada dalam Perahu yang diguncang ombak. Berayun-ayun. Kesadarannya naik-turun. Terakhir, telinga perempuan itu sempat menangkap teriakan-teriakan di sekitarnya, Dan langkah-langkah cepat yang bergerak, sebelum kemudian dia tak sadarkan diri.
Kepanikan ada di udara. Bahkan dari luar Rafli bisa menciumnya. Bibir lelaki itu tak berhenti melafalkan zikir.
Seorang dokter keluar, Rafli dan keluarga Nania mendekat.
"Pendarahan hebat."
Rafli membayangkan sebuah sumber air yang meluap, berwarna merah.
Ada varises di mulut rahim yang tidak terdeteksi dan entah bagaimana pecah!
Bayi mereka selamat, tapi Nania dalam kondisi kritis.
Mama Nania yang baru tiba, menangis. Papa termangu lama sekali. Saudara-saudara Nania menyimpan isak, sambil menenangkan orangtua mereka.
Rafli seperti berada dalam atmosfer yang berbeda. Lelaki itu tercenung beberapa saat, ada rasa cemas yang mengalir di pembuluh-pembuluh darahnya dan tak bisa dihentikan, menyebar dan meluas cepat seperti kanker.
Setelah itu adalah hari-hari penuh doa bagi Nania.

***
Sudah seminggu lebih Nania koma. Selama itu Rafli bolak-balik dari kediamannya ke rumah sakit. Ia harus membagi perhatian bagi Nania dan juga anak-anak. Terutama anggota keluarganya yang baru, si kecil. Bayi itu sungguh menakjubkan, fisiknya sangat kuat, juga daya hisapnya. Tidak sampai empat hari, mereka sudah boleh membawanya pulang.
Mama, Papa, dan ketiga saudara Nania terkadang ikut menunggui Nania di rumah sakit, sesekali mereka ke rumah dan melihat perkembangan si kecil. Walau tak banyak, mulai terjadi percakapan antara pihak keluarga Nania dengan Rafli.
Lelaki itu sungguh luar biasa. Ia nyaris tak pernah meninggalkan rumah sakit, kecuali untuk melihat anak-anak di rumah. Syukurnya pihak perusahaan tempat Rafli bekerja mengerti dan memberikan izin penuh. Toh, dedikasi Rafli terhadap kantor tidak perlu diragukan.
Begitulah Rafli menjaga Nania siang dan malam. Dibawanya sebuah Quran kecil, dibacakannya dekat telinga Nania yang terbaring di ruang ICU. Kadang perawat dan pengunjung lain yang kebetulan menjenguk sanak famili mereka, melihat lelaki dengan penampilan sederhana itu bercakap-cakap dan bercanda mesra.
Rafli percaya meskipun tidak mendengar, Nania bisa merasakan kehadirannya.
"Nania, bangun, Cinta?"
Kata-kata itu dibisikkannya berulang-ulang sambil mencium tangan, pipi dan kening istrinya yang cantik.
Ketika sepuluh hari berlalu, dan pihak keluarga mulai pesimis dan berfikir untuk pasrah, Rafli masih berjuang. Datang setiap hari ke rumah sakit, mengaji dekat Nania sambil menggenggam tangan istrinya mesra. Kadang lelaki itu membawakan buku-buku kesukaan Nania ke rumah sakit dan membacanya dengan suara pelan. Memberikan tambahan di bagian ini dan itu. Sambil tak bosan-bosannya berbisik,
"Nania, bangun, Cinta?"
Malam-malam penantian dilewatkan Rafli dalam sujud dan permohonan. Asalkan Nania sadar, yang lain tak jadi soal. Asalkan dia bisa melihat lagi cahaya di mata kekasihnya, senyum di bibir Nania, semua yang menjadi sumber semangat bagi orang-orang di sekitarnya, bagi Rafli.
Rumah mereka tak sama tanpa kehadiran Nania. Anak-anak merindukan ibunya. Di luar itu Rafli tak memedulikan yang lain, tidak wajahnya yang lama tak bercukur, atau badannya yang semakin kurus akibat sering lupa makan.
Ia ingin melihat Nania lagi dan semua antusias perempuan itu di mata, gerak bibir, kernyitan kening, serta gerakan-gerakan kecil lain di wajahnya yang cantik. Nania sudah tidur terlalu lama.
Pada hari ke tiga puluh tujuh doa Rafli terjawab. Nania sadar dan wajah penat Rafli adalah yang pertama ditangkap matanya. Seakan telah begitu lama. Rafli menangis, menggenggam tangan Nania dan mendekapkannya ke dadanya, mengucapkan syukur berulang-ulang dengan air mata yang meleleh.
Asalkan Nania sadar, semua tak penting lagi.
Rafli membuktikan kata-kata yang diucapkannya beratus kali dalam doa. Lelaki biasa itu tak pernah lelah merawat Nania selama sebelas tahun terakhir. Memandikan dan menyuapi Nania, lalu mengantar anak-anak ke sekolah satu per satu. Setiap sore setelah pulang kantor, lelaki itu cepat-cepat menuju rumah dan menggendong Nania ke teras, melihat senja datang sambil memangku Nania seperti remaja belasan tahun yang sedang jatuh cinta.
Ketika malam Rafli mendandani Nania agar cantik sebelum tidur. Membersihkan wajah pucat perempuan cantik itu, memakaikannya gaun tidur. Ia ingin Nania selalu merasa cantik. Meski seringkali Nania mengatakan itu tak perlu. Bagaimana bisa merasa cantik dalam keadaan lumpuh?
Tapi Rafli dengan upayanya yang terus-menerus dan tak kenal lelah selalu meyakinkan Nania, membuatnya pelan-pelan percaya bahwa dialah perempuan paling cantik dan sempurna di dunia. Setidaknya di mata Rafli.
Setiap hari Minggu Rafli mengajak mereka sekeluarga jalan-jalan keluar. Selama itu pula dia selalu menyertakan Nania. Belanja, makan di restoran, nonton bioskop, rekreasi ke manapun Nania harus ikut. Anak-anak, seperti juga Rafli, melakukan hal yang sama, selalu melibatkan Nania. Begitu bertahun-tahun.
Awalnya tentu Nania sempat merasa risih dengan pandangan orang-orang di sekitarnya. Mereka semua yang menatapnya iba, lebih-lebih pada Rafli yang berkeringat mendorong kursi roda Nania ke sana kemari. Masih dengan senyum hangat di antara wajahnya yang bermanik keringat.
Lalu berangsur Nania menyadari, mereka, orang-orang yang ditemuinya di jalan, juga tetangga-tetangga, sahabat, dan teman-teman Nania tak puas hanya memberi pandangan iba, namun juga mengomentari, mengoceh, semua berbisik-bisik.
"Baik banget suaminya!"
"Lelaki lain mungkin sudah cari perempuan kedua!"
"Nania beruntung!"
"Ya, memiliki seseorang yang menerima dia apa adanya."
"Tidak, tidak cuma menerima apa adanya, kalian lihat bagaimana suaminya memandang penuh cinta. Sedikit pun tak pernah bermuka masam!"
Bisik-bisik serupa juga lahir dari kakaknya yang tiga orang, Papa dan Mama.
Bisik-bisik yang serupa dengungan dan sempat membuat Nania makin frustrasi, merasa tak berani, merasa?
Tapi dia salah. Sangat salah. Nania menyadari itu kemudian. Orang-orang di luar mereka memang tetap berbisik-bisik, barangkali selamanya akan selalu begitu. Hanya saja, bukankah bisik-bisik itu kini berbeda bunyi?
Dari teras Nania menyaksikan anak-anaknya bermain basket dengan ayah mereka. Sesekali perempuan itu ikut tergelak melihat kocak permainan.
Ya. Duapuluh dua tahun pernikahan. Nania menghitung-hitung semua, anak-anak yang beranjak dewasa, rumah besar yang mereka tempati, kehidupan yang lebih dari yang bisa dia syukuri. Meski tubuhnya tak berfungsi sempurna. Meski kecantikannya tak lagi sama karena usia, meski karir telah direbut takdir dari tangannya.
Waktu telah membuktikan segalanya. Cinta luar biasa dari laki-laki biasa yang tak pernah berubah, untuk Nania.

Karya Asma Nadia dari kumpulan cerpen Cinta Laki-laki Biasa - Diketik ulang oleh Juli Prasetio Utomo, 28 Juni 2005, dengan pembenahan beberapa ejaan dan tanda baca.

Monday, October 24, 2005

" felicity 1st season episode 15 "

Love is complicated -- full of sacrifice and compromise. But maybe that’s the best part.
- Sally

Thursday, October 20, 2005

nostalgy

was talking to a colleague today about animes and of course, my all time favorite, "Doraemon", pops up in the conversation...
somehow this conversation brings me back to the other animes i've seen n comics i've read... a couple books which i really really like are:
Doraemon, Pansy, Topeng Kaca, Sabbath Cafe, Mari Chan series, Candy Candy, Apple Dream, Rose of Versailles, The Duck of Mr Fredward, Sailor Moon, Yayoi Cewe Tomboy, Swans, Dreamer, Conan Detective (PS. some of the titles are in Indonesian, sorry =))

The latest one that i read is Parfait Tic!. That reminded me.. i haven't finish reading this as well.. =P

oh yeah, out of context... some tv series i wouldn't mind re-watching... Endless Love, First Love, God Please Give Me More Time!, Tokyo Love Story, Under The Same Roof

anyway.. i'm thinking.. wouldn't it be good if we could have a map of our life journey... so that i can have all of this kept somewhere so that i can go back and have a look at it whenever i feel like looking at what i've done and what i haven't done haha.. well.. not actually the items i think.. but more the listing of them.. a up to date list of the books i've read, whether i enjoyed it or not.. the movies i've seen, the songs i've heard and loved, etc.... this reminded me to one of the context aware article i've read during my thesis days... about how in the future, it is possible to attached context information to items, so when you pick up a book.. u'll be able to find out whether someone else who have read it, liked it or not, ie. we can attached the relevant information to the book itself... imagine that... =D would be very useful for someone as forgetful as i am!! =P

hehe this was the kind of talk i'd have with lia... when i used to live with her in cromwell hehe i really missed those time... i would have something popping up in my head out of nowhere and i'll get her opinion on it hehehe sometimes a very silly question such as "why is the alphabet 'A' is called 'A' why not 'B'?" hehe "chicken or egg, which one is first?"

ehhe i dun mind having a list of those conversations too...

well i guess i do have those lists.. somewhere in my head.. but the thing is.. i found remembering stuffs from the past quite difficult.. hehe i am what u called "living for the moment" hehe =P but it is not by choice!! :P hehe i just find recalling stuffs from more than a few days back difficult hehehe =D
that's why i'm always amazed when people can talk bout things in a movie from 2-3 years back... imagine that!!!! i can't even remember events in my live from 2 years ago..

anyway.. it is just a thought...

nostalgy... mmm... it's always fun to walk down the memory lane... ^.^

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

in her shoes n poem

i'm not usually a big fans of poem...
simply because i found it slow n difficult to understand :P

but the "In Her Shoes" movie brought a different perspective about poem to me...
maybe it is more re-introducing poem to me...
poems provide the subtle way of expressing their 'strong' feeling for poem writers...
and its sense of mystery is the big appeal of poem reader..
it is very romantic indeed...

i really liked the movie.. and i can really relate to the characters... =D
rate: 8.2/10

also, i found this site http://www.themoviespoiler.com/index.html where you get all the movie spoilers.. it's good for when you're not sure when you dun wanna watch a movie but simply wanna know the storyline :P

" i carry your heart with me " by e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)

Monday, October 17, 2005

" felicity 1st season 4th episode "

You can't know who that person is, the person who will become your ultimate confidant, your soul mate, or your lover. - Sally

" felicity 1st season 3rd episode "

On one hand, expectations can inspire you, but then again, they can really let you down. - Sally

^ eternal sunshine of the spotless mind + spirited away + australian idol ^

promised my self to watch "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (starring: Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet) as well as Spirited Away (japanese anime directed by Hayao Miyazaki) this weekend.. and i did!! yippeee...
some friends&/colleagues watched these two movies and they highly recommended them... have to agree with them... both are highly interesting movies... really liked "Spirited Away" eventhough i'm not a big anime fan... =) the story line is great and Haku character is so cool ;P enjoyed it a lot... rate: 8.8/10
"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" is also one great movie.. the idea of the movie is just unique and so different from other love stories.. liked it a lot. but i do found the way it is screened a bit difficult to follow.. rate: 7.8/10
these two movies have cheer up my weekend in their own way.. =) and with the body balance class i had... the sarah mclachlan song... can't ask for more.. :P
mmmm... one thing, i found watching these movies make me sort of wonder, how much do i actually understand from this movies... sometimes some parts of the movie, makes me wonder 'why?'.. and it annoys me.. cause i won't be able to get the answer... unless i get to meet the director :P hahaha.. and i'm very forgetful too.. so i won't be able to discuss it with others unless i watch it with them... huff... maybe i'll need to watch the movies a little closer.. so that i won't forget them so easily...
the best thing that happen this weekend?

LEE HARDING got a touchdown!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.... that actually brings warm tears to my eyes :P he looks familiar.. mmm not familiar because i know him, but familiar because he has the 'nice friend' look... really really really like him!!! and i so wish one day will have the chance to sese him in person!!! =D really enjoyed the touchdown tonite... feel soooooo happy for him.... i have so much faith for him to be the idol... or at least one of the top 3... well.. dun really care if he's the idol... but as long as he'll become a performer.. which he already is... by getting the touchdown, he's one step closer to be the idol... =) so.. GOOOOOO Lee!!! =)
anyway... before you think i'm insane... :P read the recap of this week Australian Idol's 80s Performance show
here.
there is also this idol blog bout Lee Harding here..
while watching "Spirited Away", can't help thinking.. i should re-watch "Kamisama" - God, please give me more time (starring: Kyoko Fukada and Takeshi Kaneshiro)... when i watched it last time, i didn't understand anything... (it has Japanese audio and Chinese subtitle - which i can't really read except for I, you, we, they, love :P) and i still find it very enjoyable to watch.. so this time i wanna watch it and understand it.. which means that i'm gonna need english subtitle.. =)
so.. that's my next task i guess...
huahhhhhh... okie dokie.. going to bed now... =)
till the next entry.. enjoy!

Saturday, October 15, 2005

felicity, body balance, sarah mclachlan

... the links between these three things... are that they made up my weekend... =D
been watching felicity for a while now... i'm up to the 12th episode of the first season.. this particular episode is all about friends... a very well done one indeed... actually, the three episodes of felicity (from 10 to 12) have been really nice to watch.. =) there were some lines of the 12th episode which i really like.. i've post them up prior to this entry...
visit the site (a felicity page)
mmm spent my friday evening watching felicity... today went to chadstone and did a little bit of shopping hehehe when i say a little bit, i might have understated it a bit... :P bought a 3/4 black pant from bardot... so pretty!! and 2 necklaces + 1 bracelet... LOVEEEEEEEE the bracelet so much!!! =D bought couple tops as well soooooo... no more shopping for me :P at least not for a week *LOL*
n then... went to body balance... a group exercise class which combines the best moves from tai chi, pilates and yoga... find it kinda interesting, but the moves are rather funny :P enjoyed it anyway... it was a great way to calm my 'stressed-out' mind =) though so far, i still enjoy pilates most..
in the class, during one of the stretch track, we listened to this song by sarah mclachlan - in the arms of an angel... the combination of great sound system and the big room, with me lying down, doing the stretches.. the whole thing felt so soothing... i let my mind drifted away and simply think lightly about all sorts of things...
i came out of the class feeling different.. calm and rejuvenated...
exactly what i needed...

" felicity 1st season 12th episode "

Dear Felicity...

At the risk of completely destroying your image of me, i cheated on john once.
It was 6 months into out relationship.
It was an ex boyfriend, and half way into it i suddenly remembered why we broke up in the first place and why i love john so much
the thing is john would have never found out about it...
Except that after 3 months i couldn't take the guilt anymore and i told him.
I never used to believe that an affair could do anything but destroy a relationship...
But from that moment on, I'd never lie to him again, not even about the smallest things.
Sometimes in a relationship, going through hell isn't so bad if you come out of it a little stronger. The same is true about friends.

- Sally

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

now vs back then

just now, i came across my own post back in the thesis days and i briefly skim through it.. and i was reading that, i can't help but thinking.. how much have i changed from then to now.. not physically, but more the way i think and so on..
i feel that there's something different.. bout the way my mind work back then and now, but i can't even tell what it is... even the way i wrote the post back then is different to my current posts...
it makes me wonder, have i changed for the better or the worse?
i can't even tell.. i just now that something inside of me is different...

well, it's not a surprising thing.. people do change, don't they? as we moved on in our life and meet different sorts of people and come across all sorts of different things... we must have somehow changed...
i imagine people are like those dough thing (similar to stress ball, but the one which you can shape according to ur taste, with funny pair of eyes :P)... we are shaped by the environment that surround us...
mmm the current environment surrounding me are quite good.. so i guess i must have changed for the better? hahaha.. not sure...

anyway.. this is just another one of my pop-up thoughts...
^.^ have a nice day people..

iVillage Mind Body Challenge intro

I'm progressing well in my self improvement project. :P
Been routinely going to the gym (well, only for a week, but hey! I'm still going to go for, mmm at least the next couple weeks :P).
I've also accepted the iVillage 6-Weeks Mind Body Challenge here. It's Free!!! =)
So far, it's interesting. It says by signing up you'll get:
  • Six weeks of day-by-day activities that will introduce you to yoga, meditation, positive thinking and relaxation techniques

  • A customized program created and led by experienced yoga instructor and mind-body expert Kate Hanley, who will be on hand as your coach to answer questions throughout the Challenge

  • Daily inspirations and tips on reducing stress and restoring your spirit

  • Round-the-clock support and advice from your coach, the iVillage team and thousands of fellow participants

  • A community message board where you can talk to others about your progress and share your frustrations and success

Well... :P The first day's task for the first week is to look for a sanctuary in your home and sit there for 10 minutes.. which is not that bad.. =) I'll follow this later today and comment on it later on.. I've started sort of late.. so I'll have to the second day task on the same day as the first day... :P I'll put up another post later tonite when I've done both tasks :)...

Sunday, October 09, 2005

my weekend in a flash

upss.. another monday is coming up... hehe.. it has been sooooooooooooooo quick!!!!
ugh... tough one... watch 2 episodes of felicity today.. these are two very good ones... the one where Noel draw the line on what Felicity can discuss with him... and the one where something really big happened to Julie...
yesterday went shopping the whole day... had lotssss of fun.. but at the same time also wasted lotssss of money hehe =) well it's sort of expected isn't it? not much to tell... been thinking a lot lately.. but the thoughts are those i found hard to form into sentences.. more of random thoughts which keep on popping up here n there n make me think hard n then all of sudden just puff.. gone hehe =)
yesterday had sort of an argument with one of my bro... tough one... well.. hopefully somehow.. i've made my point... the main thing that i wanna post today is this lyrics of the song sang by Frank Sinatra... heard it in the Australian Idol today and really love the lyrics.. =) i won't usually post lyrics in this blog (cause i've got another one for these), but ... i'll make an exception for this... ;)

all the way
by: Frank Sinatra


When somebody loves you
It’s no good unless he loves you - all the way
Happy to be near you
When you need someone to cheer you - all the way

Taller than the tallest tree is
That’s how it’s got to feel
Deeper than the deep blue see is
That’s how deep it goes - if it’s real

When somebody needs you
It’s no good unless he needs you - all the way
Through the good or lean years
And for all the in between years - come what may

Who know where the road will lead us
Only a fool would say
But if you’ll let me love you
It’s for sure I’m gonna love you - all the way, all the way

Friday, October 07, 2005

desperate and determination

well.. i always know that eventually this word will come back into my life..
determination was a big challenge for me back in the time when i was writting my thesis.. and since then, well nothing has really challenged me to that level.. work has been challenging at some stages, but i can always stop thinking bout those challenges as soon as it's the end of the day.. so it's different..
back when it was the thesis days... it was constantly in my mind.. well.. not the thesis hehe but more the thought that i have a thesis due soon.. hehe
anyway... i've got to learn to be more determined again.. and this time it's to improve both my fitness and my personal life.. =) it's not that i desperately need the improvement.. but i prefer to be working toward something.. so that i'm not wasting my time.. throughout this year of 2005.. i've been working hard in improving stuffs in my life that i can think of.. and i wanna keep that up.. =)
the thing is.. to me, it is so much easier to improve something that DESPERATEly needs improvement.. that sort of provide me with the determination that i need..
whereas i find trying to bring something at its OK stage to its GREAT stage highly challenging..
i've always found trouble with them :P hehehe..

" Seeds of Thoughts " by Ralph Marston

Thoughts of anger attract more anger. Thoughts of goodness attract more goodness.
Thoughts of accomplishment enable you to see that accomplishment in every detail. And whatever you can see, you can find a way to be.
Thoughts of peace truly make you more peaceful. And that can lead those around you to carry peaceful thoughts as well.Thoughts begin on the inside and quickly flow outward. The thoughts you hold in this moment will soon spread far beyond you.
The thoughts you send forth will eventually find their way back to you, yet by that time they will be much more than just thoughts. Those thoughts will return as circumstances, objects, challenges, opportunities and achievements.
Your thoughts attract more of whatever you think, because life has a dependable way of multiplying and manifesting them. So choose to always hold the most positive, enriching thoughts, and from those seeds a beautiful garden will grow.
-- Ralph Marston
Copied from http://www.greatday.com/motivate

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

" Purposeful Moments " by Ralph Marston

When you have a reason, you can find a way. When you know why, you can figure out how.
The more compelling the reason, the more magnificent the level of accomplishment it supports. The more meaningful the reason, the more powerfully it will drive you to new heights.
Seek to know and fully understand why you do what you do. And the effectiveness of what you do will improve dramatically.
Live each moment in the purpose of a powerful vision. And those purposeful moments will bring great value to your world.
With a strong reason, the obstacles cannot stop you. With a strong reason, the setbacks will be unable to dissuade you.
Get clear about the reason for whatever you set out to do. And you will indeed get it done.
-- Ralph Marston
Copied from http://www.greatday.com/motivate

Monday, October 03, 2005

my 2nd japanese class

A: hajimemashite
B: hajimemashite
A: onamae wa nan desu ka
B: Shelvia desu
A: nani jin desu ka
B: Indonesia jin desu
A: dorichi kara desu ka
B: Meruborun kara desu
A: doozoo yoroshiku
B: doozoo yoroshiku

change of mind

sigh.. i'm such indecisive.. change my mind almost every hour...
well, i used to blog at the spoke (here) and then i start blogging @ blogger.com (my pensieve) and then i moved back to the spoke and now i'm moving back here... but this time it's for good... i'm going to keep the spoke one though... for the more technical entries...
in addition to those, i've got another blog a chatterbox's 'kankyou' where i post about songs' lyrics, books excerpt, movies quotes or other inspirational quotes... ^.^
3 blogs for a person sound too greedy hmm ;p
well... if i chuck them all together, they just don't feel that rite.. mmm to be honest, that and the fact that i can't be bothered to paste all the stuffs from the spoke back here.. maybe one day i'll get into doing that :P haha..

till next post..

Sunday, October 02, 2005

" quotes "

Habit converts luxurious enjoyments into dull and daily necessities.
-- Aldous Huxley

This is soooo true... I used to think I'd enjoyed eating out everyday.. turns out.. it becomes not fun after a month... anything done ritually will lost its attractiveness and luxurious feeling... don't u think? :)