Friday, March 23, 2007

One sunny day...

Just finished watching the OC's season finale...
The O.C., some people see it as merely soap opera with pretty people in it, but to me, it is a very nice TV series which has been able to make its point of how powerful love can be... Watching the series has been an interesting journey... Some of the words the characters have said, the feelings the characters have felt, the situations they're in... felt so real to me...
They have taught me to look at things differently... and most importantly, that things do not have to work out the first time around... Interestingly, the last couple episodes have also pointed out how love can bring people together; the blood family or the family we've formed while living out life... I really like how they wrapped up the show...
Life is a journey... To live it to the fullest, we'll need to be able to balance between learning from the past, put it behind us; living in the present; and planning for the future...

I'm one of those lucky people - who have always been surrounded by great people who love me for who I am - most of the time.. I have/am/will always be grateful for that :)
Over the time though, there is this one hiccup that keep coming back to bug me. It comes from different people, but it's essentially the same thing... I didn't think much of it at first; but since it keeps coming back; I will have to at least try to figure out how to deal with it best...
...
I feel that I have the tendency to get people to get a tiny bit dependant towards me.. Mmmm dependant is not the right word... Attached - is the better word.. Between me and the people that I love.. the attachment itself is not a problem...
Mmm.. how shall I put this?
I don't know if their expectations have gone up, or have I started giving them less of me.. Somehow, somewhere along the line, they give me the feeling that I have failed them.. I have failed giving them what I'm supposed to give them... I really do not like this feeling.. I mean, who would enjoy failing someone close to them? Then, I'll try to give more, so we are okay... until it happens again... We're somehow in the same circled story line... Until this person gave up on me and find someone else who they can rely on... then it's okay... or is it?
I do feel that most of the time - I tend to fail people's expectation... why is that? Are people just tend to expect a lot from me or am I just not giving out enough?

Anyway...
I met up with friends from Honours year yesterday... We had lunch at Soul Mama in St Kilda... Yummy food in a great place! As usual it is a lot of fun.. :) Catching up with them always bring me back to the time where my days are all about how to push everything else away from my head so that I can concentrate on my research. It was another chapter of my life... An interesting one indeed. Finishing the thesis definitely felt like an accomplishment. Though till now I'm not very sure how did I ever finish it... One of us is starting a family soon, one of us is travelling quite a lot for work, one of us is doing PhD, the one is lost in her own world of tangent things...
I guess the big question is.... what do I want to do in my life? What is important enough for me to throw everything else away?
I know.. I know.. most people don't have to throw everything else away to serve their life purpose..
But, which is better? Being passionate enough bout what you want in life to be able to throw everything else away or not having anything that is worth throwing everything else away for because the combination of everything else has made your life worth living for?
Am I making sense at all? I hope I am... Cause I'm trying hard to make sense..

1 comment:

li'l cookie said...

Heuheuhe, I truly get what you're saying. Although I still feel dependant describes me better than attached.

BOTTOM LINE : you are a VERY DEPENDABLE person!!!! That is why you have a lot of DEPENDANTS.

Is there something you can do about it?