Tip-Toeing Through Life

I was flicking through a few old photos today.. It's funny to try and remember how I felt when that photo was taken. I'm not sure whether it's just my memory not working really well and I'm easily convinced by my smile on the photo; but I do remember being less "worried" back then. More "in the moment".

I'm not sure when this started - but looking back to my recent past; I feel that I've been tip-toeing through life. I constantly have this worries of my social life in the back of my mind. It feels like a lot of it is fake. Not sincere. I'm pretty sure and remember that it used to be sincere. Now it feels very posed and made up. It feels that I'm hanging by the thread right at the outskirt of the loop; barely in it.

Not too sure why I feel this way. It could be a mixture of things. It could part of growing up. It could be my insecurity. It's possible that I'm in the wrong orbit. Definitely think I should do something about it.

I wanna live my life - TO THE FULLEST. I want to laugh like crazy and mean it. I want to give my all to something and have my heart beats crazily because of the risk of losing it all. I want to run and jump through hoops - instead of tip-toeing. I want to feel challenged. I want to feel alive.

Have you ever feel that way?