Sunday, January 21, 2007

My current thought on marriage

Now that I'm reaching 25; (and that me and my partner been going out for nearly 7 years doesn't help too); I very often get asked 'When are you getting married?'. My answers vary; depending on my mood - sometimes I'll say I'm still young; not ready; don't want to have kids; financially not secure enough yet; etc.

Today, it kinda hit me; well maybe not today; maybe yesterday; I don't know - anyway; today at work (Coles) a lady came through the check out register I attended [well, it is today :) not yesterday - although I think the thought began yesterday when Paul (one of Coles' regular customer) asked if i am married?] - oops sorry - keep rambling and never get to my point!!! Blah! I'll continue; a lady checked out through me; she's tiny/petite; but she seems so altogether. She seems to really know what she wants in life. She seems so certain of herself and then out of nowhere; I somehow gather this judgement that she must be married; and then the husband comes and talks to her. There. She's a bit like Elly; Jessy's brother's wife (the one whose wedding I attended couple weeks ago). I think they all have this aura about them that say they're content and ready to get married.

Now I know why I don't want to get married yet. Call me lame, but I don't want to get married because that's the next logical step or because I've been going out with my partner for too long. I want to get married when it feels like it's the right time; because me and my partner so desire to.

Right now; I'm not ready yet. I'm still very much uncertain of myself. I'm still trying to find out where I belong in this world. I'm still trying to figure a lot of things out. I've still got hundreds, even thousands of un-answered questions about life and my life passion. I still doubt my self all the time (I don't think this will ever go away). I still change my mind about things in a matter of hours, sometimes minutes or perhaps seconds. Mmmm then again, I could be saying all these things because I'm not being proposed to with a big Tiff&Co ring :P *LOL* Nah... Seriously, I'm not yet qualified to be one of the joint leader of this really big and important thing called "family".

Well, so until I qualify to be one of this altogether confident lady who seem to always know what they want and fight for what the want; and until I'm satisfied that I've lived my single life to the fullest; I'm happy with myself; I'll have to prepare my excuses for when people ask 'the question'.

Good nite! :)

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